Week 1, Day 2 - Putting the Cart Before the Horse???

269.6 pounds
25 pounds lost from highest - 134.6 pounds to lose

So I started Atkins yesterday after I took my blood sugar on Monday night and it was 273. 273! That's after eating Chinese food and eating one half of what I would normally eat! I was so upset and so disgusted. I know that that is one more step in path to get pregnant that I have to climb over. It's been almost two years of TTC with the help of a doctor and almost 3 years (not that we've ever tried to prevent it in almost eight years of marriage though).

My highest was 294.6 pounds in December of 2006 - ugh! What an awful time that was. 294.6 pounds and in complete denial about it. I didn't know or even want to know what size I was in clothing. I lived in elastic waistbands and thought I looked okay/presentable. Oh, it was awful!

Then in 2007, the week before Easter to be precise, I was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes (shocker, huh?). At that point I was 260 pounds and by that August I weighed 217 pounds. Then came the infertility treatments plus quitting smoking - oh that did well for me. In the first week I gained ten pounds. Then just a steady gain with each month's disappointment. Who knew at the time that our reproductive endocrinologist (RE) was a hack and factory man who would lead us to 13 months of disappointments and crying???

So here we are. I am and always feel like "The Fat Chick". "The Fat Chick" (TFC)...

1. compares herself to everyone - always looks to see if she is the fattest one in the room, party or whatnot
2. avoids social situations with everyone except immediate family. She doesn't want anyone to see how far she's plummetted.
3. feels ashamed of how far she's fallen from grace. Although overweight all of her life, TFC can't come to terms with how much weight she's gained and makes herself feel like a second-class citizen
4. suffers from ailments: Diabetes, arthritis, psoriasis, fibromyalgia, insomnia, amongst others

That's just a little bit about being TFC...I'm sure you'll learn more as this blog progresses....

But, here comes, DIET DIVA...the Diet Diva is my alter ego - she's the one that feels confident and knows she's on the right track. She wants to be her old social self. She wants to go to the parties, have fun with friends and have her life be worth something....she knows there is something better out there and she can taste it...

I though have come to realization that I have been putting the cart before the horse all this time....I have worried and fretted about getting pregnant and not worried and fretted about losing weight. Actually that may not be entirely true - TFC always worries and frets about her weight. But I don't think I've been diligent enough about it to do anything to fix it. Now I want to change that. I want to fix it. I want to be healthy. I want to feel healthy. I want to look in a mirror and say "Damn, Girl, you look GOOD". It'll just take a while for me to get to that place. I am very impatient and want things done NOW, NOW, NOW and I have to realize that immediate gratification will not happen here. I need to wait, bide some time and it will.

So, now, it's onward and downward.....